


Painful Desires Broken

by Kiterie



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-03-26
Updated: 2008-03-28
Packaged: 2017-11-27 10:31:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 18,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/660927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiterie/pseuds/Kiterie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After an abusive relationship with Mizuki, Iruka learns to associate pain with love this carries over to his relationship with Ibiki and consequently a confused Naruto tries to intercede. At Ibiki's request Kakashi steps in to help. ONLY the Prelude chapter fits the warnings and it can be skipped.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prelude

**Author's Note:**

> The prelude was written by Dominic Shade and Bruce's Girl. They gave the plot bunny up in a club on y-gallery.

Naruto's blue eyes lit with something akin to annoyance as he watched Ibiki leave Iruka-sensei's apartment. He could have sworn the man looked up at him with a smug smirk on his scarred face as he passed under the tree, and as much as Naruto wanted to unzip his pants and take a piss on Ibiki's covered head, he restrained himself. Instead, he glanced up into the window, and his gaze went soft again as he watched Iruka stir. He was rubbing his wrists from the rope marks that Ibiki had put on him the night before during their 'session' as Ibiki called it.

Naruto growled and dropped out of the tree. Iruka-sensei had been so worried about Ibiki… all the time, he was with Ibiki, only taking that one night a week to buy Naruto ramen and sit with him at Ichiraku's. Well, Ibiki was gone on a mission now, and Naruto felt a smile tug at his lips. Iruka was taking him to Ichiraku's tonight, and maybe that meant he could get the brunette to spend some quality time with him.

Iruka smiled down at the marks over his slender wrists, enjoying the thrill of pleasure that crept leisurely down his spine at the sight and memory of them. When Ibiki went off on mission that would probably take more then a few days, they always played games; Iruka submitting to each fantasy his lover came up with.

It was amazing. Each and every time. Even the aftershocks of his orgasms seemed to last for days after and sometimes Iruka would wake himself up from his loud moans.

He sighed and sat up, his lower back aching wonderfully. A tingle stroked the tiny hairs on his neck and he turned halfway, stopping short of gazing out the window.

Iruka didn't know who Naruto thought he was kidding. That boy's chakra was connected to his erratic emotions and therefore, not sensing it was like not noticing…Kakashi without his porn. It was obvious and slightly disconcerting.

He grinned to himself and shook his head. Part of him was glad that Naruto still had some things to learn, even after his great return with Jiraiya-sama. It meant that the wild blonde would still…always need his help.

Iruka chuckled dryly at himself and grabbed a pair of not-so-fresh boxers from the floor and slipped them on.

He knew Naruto was probably thinking of some horrible (and probably smelly) prank to pull on him. The school teacher winced. He'd been ignoring Naruto for a bit now hadn't he? Not on purpose of course…but well, it was sort of hard to balance a boyfriend as possessive as Ibiki and…anything else.

Iruka grinned and walked to the bathroom, pausing for a moment before turning to glance over his shoulder. But as always, Naruto had already gone.

He stared at the empty branch and shook his head again. Tonight he'd spend time with Naruto. It'd be like it was before. Maybe he could even goad Naruto into a sparring match, it might even be fun!

The brunette smiled and continued with his morning routine. It'd be like it was…

The day passed for the blond slower than he wanted to admit. Kakashi and Saskura were out on a mission, and for now, the act of looking for Sasuke, that Uchiha bastard, was on pause while everyone rested.

So, to put it lightly, Naruto was painfully bored. He spent his afternoon eating ramen and watching the clouds with Shikamaru and visiting the KIA stone to say hello to Iruka's parents and whoever it was that Kakashi-sensei was always talking to.

He stuffed his palms in his hair, and he relaxed as he walked through the village, the light of the day finally waning, marking his time to be at Ichiraku's most imminent. As he neared the ramen stand, he frowned. Iruka sensei was no where to be found, but he'd probably come soon. Naruto grinned at the old owner, and his eyes curled up in happiness.

"Oi, gimme a bowl of your miso, old man. I'm hungry, 'ttebayo!"

"Payment first, Naruto! Last time, you paid for one and ate ten!"

"Maa, stop your griping," Naruto whined, blue eyes shimmering with hunger, "Please?"

The old man was a sucker for Naruto's puppy dog eyes, and soon, the blond was happily slurping down the best miso in Konoha. Iruka-sensei would be there shortly, and Naruto just smiled to himself when he thought about spending time with his precious sensei.

He'd been so lonely.

Iruka trudged to the ramen stand, his hair still wet from his surprise shower. How Konohamaru and his little gang kept inventing new ways to annoy him that rivaled even Naruto was a mystery.

He scowled and rang out water from his swinging ponytail. Maybe Naruto would be happy to just have one bowl this time. Iruka didn't entertain the thought for very long and he sighed his despair.

All he wanted to do was go home and relax for an hour before he had to finish up some grading.

The school teacher stopped to chat with a few parents and then broke into a quick job, feeling a bit guilty for making Naruto wait for him. Not like the teen hadn't ever made him wait…but still.

It wasn't like he didn't miss Naruto, because he did. Those three years had been torture for him until Ibiki had properly distracted him. It was just…hard to fit Naruto in now, as much as it pained Iruka to think it.

He rounded the corner and smiled at the blond hunched over the bar, talking and eating at the same time. Iruka shook his head and clapped Naruto on the back as he neared.

"Oi! You started without me?" he said, pretending to be indignant while he took a seat.

"You're getting as bad as Kakashi-sensei," Naruto grumbled with a mouth full of noodles. Of course, he wouldn't mention that Kakashi always apologized for being late in the –nicest- way possible. He didn't mention that he'd seen Ibiki leaving Iruka's –again-, and he didn't make a note of the fact that Iruka's slender wrists had rope burns on them.

Instead, Naruto only ate his Ramen and smiled his smile. "Maaa, Iruka-sensei, buy some sake for us." Really, it was stupid to having a drinking law in a ninja village… Naruto had killed people already, and he couldn't drink alcohol? What a crock of shit.

He thought about it though, and the idea of spending time with Iruka sensei when he'd rather be somewhere else was unappetizing to say the least. Naruto wondered if that one time a week that Iruka-sensei –afforded- him now was a burden to the other man rather than time he wanted to spend with Naruto.

It left a nasty aftertaste in the shinobi's mouth.

 

He glanced over to Iruka with his deceptively happy blue eyes, and for once, Naruto stopped at his first bowl of ramen and threw money on the counter. Enough to cover the meal. "On second thought, I think I just wanna go home tonight. I know you've got other places you wanna be, Iruka-sensei! Catch you later, 'ttebayo!"

His hands stuffed behind his head per usual, but even the owner of Ichiraku's was staring after him. Only one bowl of ramen –and- he got full payment? There was something wrong with Naruto.

Iruka furrowed his brows and shared a disturbed look with the cook before sliding off his stool and catching up with Naruto. He reached for the boy's shoulder and held tight, frowning.

"Naruto?" he asked. "What's wrong? And why would you say something like that? You know I like spending time with you, you're important to me."

Iruka winced and turned Naruto to face him. "I'm sorry I haven't had very much time for you Naruto…but come on, let me buy you some more ramen?"

"Maa, I'm not hungry right now," Naruto smiled brightly and rubbed the back of his head. "Just not the right night of the week for us to meet, you know? Kakashi's gone, and it's kinda nice to be alone." His eyes were still bright, but if it was one thing Naruto hated the most, it was being alone.

He turned his back on Iruka, but the difference in his stance was obviously more rigid. "You know, Iruka-sensei, I think we spend too much time together. Let's cut it down to once a month," he paused and dropped his arms from his hair, eyes pointedly going serious. "I'm sure Ibiki-san would like that."

He turned away from Iruka and began to walk, feet heavily clomping on the dusty road. He knew… knew he shouldn't try to hurt Iruka on purpose, but he couldn't help himself. Iruka just didn't understand…

Iruka stared after him in surprise. Naruto and Kakashi…was he saying that they were…were… No, not possible, not his little Naruto, the same brat who had made him grow three gray hairs within his first year of teaching the blond.

He shook his head again, deeply stung. Is that what Naruto really thought about their time together? That it was too much… Then the other things said and unsaid clicked into place and Iruka frowned sternly, crossing his arms over his chest as strictly as he could.

"Naruto!" he ground out.

Great, so Naruto was jealous. Iruka felt his temple throb. Had he really been so wrapped up in Ibiki that he'd ignored Naruto this much? It didn't seem possible but…well before, they had spent almost every night together at the ramen stand, or sometimes they'd go to the hot springs. And now Iruka had somehow managed to push Naruto out of his life and squashed their time down to meeting once a week?

Naruto didn't even look behind him as he stopped. The familiar picture of him clenching his fists probably struck the Chuunin, but the happy gleam of determination wasn't in the cobalt eyes when they graced Iruka's face. His gaze was furious. Filled with absolute anger as he turned fully and pointed to his black hitae-ate.

"I'm glad I have this one. That way I don't get yours all ripped up anymore than it was. It reminds me of you."

Ero-sannin gave him the black one, and he'd mentioned that he resembled someone he once knew and respected, something had made Naruto's chest puff out in confidence and his eyes lighten in pride. But now, when he thought of wearing Iruka's protector… It made him rather sick. Iruka didn't think anything of Naruto anymore.

Then, like a wind of change burst over him, he smiled again. Oh, it was so much easier to smile than frown. He waved in the air and shrugged. "Don't get mad, Iruka-sensei." He turned again and put his hands behind his head. "Everyone changes."

Iruka glared and walked up to Naruto, spinning him around and jabbing a finger into his chest.

"Now listen," he said determinedly. "I know I haven't spending time with you like I should have, I know you're jealous, and I know that I should have considered your feelings…"

He set his jaw, trying very hard not to let pent up aggression spill out. After all, Naruto had been the one to leave first! He'd been the one to go off and train to be a better shinobi and leave Iruka behind.

The school teacher closed his eyes and just sighed. "I don't want to have this conversation with you," he said sternly. "Not now…if you want to leave again just do it alright?"

"Well," Naruto turned again and paused, "I was leaving, but you keep stopping me, Iruka-sensei." His voice lowered. Surprisingly, as a teenager, his voice had taken on a smoky timbre that was both seductive and sensual when his tone dropped. "Do you not want me to leave?"

One of his golden tan hands went to rest on his hip, and the other scraped through his blond hair in exasperation. "You can come over, Iruka-sensei. Let's get a glass of tea, ne?" He began to walk, leading Iruka to his apartment. He didn't even bother to take to the rooftops or balconies tonight.

It was too pretty outside to rush home.

As he neared the steps that led up to his apartment, he paused, for the first time looking behind him. He sighed and opened his door, not really having any reason at the moment to keep it locked. Really the only thing of value was just a picture…

"Come in, Iruka-sensei." He entered into the small apartment. It was clean, but lived in. He kicked off his shoes and flicked on the light with a grumble and migrated to the kitchen. "Tea?"

Iruka frowned severely at the shorter shinobi. "No thank you, I'm fine."

He stood stiffly, eyeing Naruto's back. "What did you mean before about Kakashi-sensei?" he blurted, unable to help himself. "Are…Naruto are you and he…together?"

Naruto paused and then laughed. "Iruka-sensei! Why would you think somethin' like that? We're always hanging out. He gets bored being by himself all the time, and when he's late, he gives me ramen to keep me from telling Old Lady Tsunade. He comes over here and we play Goh all the time…"

Naruto took out a glass and then a carton of milk. He poured it for himself and then grinned. "Jealous?"

"More disgusted," Iruka snorted. "If Kakashi-sensei had been taking advantage of you like that…"

He shook his head. No, of course it hadn't been like that, Naruto was far too innocent to even consider…even if he had spent the last three years with that dirty sannin. Iruka rubbed the bridge of his nose and blushed, offering Naruto a guilty sort of grin as he scratched the back of his head.

"So…do you want to talk about it?" Iruka asked, serious again.

"Maa, this milk is sour." Naruto wrinkled his nose and put the glass down. He'd forgotten to buy more. He watched as Iruka showed exasperation, and with a sheepish grin, he shook his head. "Talk about what, Iruka-sensei?"

Talk about how Ibiki tied him to the bed? About how Ibiki made Iruka cry tears of pain as he whipped his ass raw? Naruto wondered if the marks would still be there. Slowly, he approached Iruka, who seemed rather out of place in the little apartment, and he reached for his forearm and held up his wrist, showing it to Iruka…bruises and rope burns together.

"Talk about –what-, Iruka-sensei?" The smile had disappeared, and all that was left was an empty hunger. A straight face that only Iruka would understand. "This?" His thumb grazed over the bruises. "Or this?"

Naruto shoved Iruka so hard that the neighbors were probably wondering what was happening. Iruka's ass hit the wall solidly, and Naruto's expression grew dangerous. "We can talk about it…but do you really wanna tell me about that?"

Iruka hissed his pain and gasped, staring at Naruto with wide eyes as he pulled his sleeves down to cover up his marks.

"How did…" he sputtered and inched back, pressing himself against the wall. "I meant talk about how you felt…don't talk about things like that!"

The school teacher held his wrist defensively, surprised at the blonds' sudden strength. How did Naruto know about it? He'd been careful…he thought he had. But…Naruto knew? How? How?! He set his jaw and glared fiercely.

"It's none of your business!" Iruka snapped, feeling hurt and not knowing why. "It's…just drop it would you?"

"You wanted to talk about it, Iruka-sensei," Naruto growled. He pushed Iruka fully against the wall so that the Chuunin could also feel the wide bruises across his back from his session with Ibiki the previous night. "This bothers me," he said grabbing a tender wrist and squeezing it. "This bothers me," he dropped the wrist and touched a bite mark on Iruka's caramel neck, "And this bothers me."

His hand, hot and warm slid down under the waist band of Iruka's pants over his ass, and he growled, the Kyuubi clear in his voice. His fingers traveled the dusky division between the hard flesh of Iruka's ass, and he brushed his finger over a softened, abused opening. "Maybe not Kakashi, but I'm not stupid."

His finger roughly shoved into Iruka's body, his entrance soft and obviously well loved. It made Naruto furious. "This is what you've been ignoring me for? Even when Mizuki was doing this-" the finger shoved in viciously again at an angle, "You weren't ignoring me. What makes Ibiki any different?"

The blue eyes… they were tinged with red rings, a warning that Naruto was losing his temper quickly. "It –bothers- me, Iruka-sensei," he whispered vehemently.

Iruka gave a short cry as his hips bucked forward. He panted roughly then gritted his teeth, slitting his eyes at Naruto and shoving at his chest with both hands.

"Stop it!" he shouted. "Damn it Naruto! It's not the same as it was with Mizuki alright?! And it's none of your business what I do in the privacy of my home…"

He grabbed the blonds' wrist and gripped it hard, pulling his hand from his abused entrance. The school teacher closed his eyes and bit his tongue from blurting out a round of hateful things he'd later regret to the boy. Slowly though, his breathing calmed and then stuttered as he stared at Naruto with wide doe eyes.

"Were you…" Iruka blinked, anger blossoming over his features and flushing his cheeks red. "Damn it Naruto! Were you watching me?!"

It couldn't be…Ibiki would have certainly noticed, no matter how strong Naruto had gotten! He wouldn't have allowed Naruto to spy on them like that!

His body ached where it was pressed against the unyielding wall and he hid a wince, staring at Naruto with betrayed eyes, very much conscious of how he seemed to be outmatched at the moment. Iruka clenched his jaw, ashamed of himself for thinking that Naruto would actually hurt him…but…

"Don't touch me like that," the brunette seethed. "Not ever. Do you understand me?"

"I'll touch you however the hell I want to, Iruka-sensei," Naruto growled, "And I know you'll like it…because I know what you like." His fingers slid back over Iruka's entrance to his body, but this time, they didn't' shove roughly in. Instead, they rubbed there, coaxing, teasing some kind of reaction out of Iruka.

"You let him hurt you," Naruto whispered, "I'd never hurt you." His fingers scraped roughly across Iruka's ass against the harsh whip bruises before Naruto was tearing at Iruka's pants wildly, trying to pull them off. He released Iruka to do so, not even believing the teacher would ever push him away.

"Do you like it," Naruto asked, his voice cracking, "Do you like it when he does that? I know it's not his idea. Ibiki –hates- rough sex. Kakashi-sensei told me so." The blue eyes clenched shut as the material of Iruka's pants tore in his palms, reminding the quiet air in the apartment how –strong- Naruto had become.

"Why…" Naruto's eyes clenched tighter, "Why do you –want- to hurt? I don't understand. Why would anyone –want- to hurt?" His fingers paused their actions, and they brushed over the svelte caramel hips, his eyes taking in the splendor of Iruka's skin. "I don't… I couldn't… ever hurt you."

Iruka kept his eyes closed tightly, his brows furrowed and his lips slightly open. He didn't move, didn't push at Naruto or try to fight him. The words kept him still, kept him passive. He hated it. It made him think about the answers.

He flinched as Naruto stripped him, laying his palms flat against the wall at his sides.

Why…why… It burned him from the inside out that Naruto was looking at all his scars, the self-inflicted ones as well as the many more he'd convinced Ibiki into giving him. And then there were the old wounds…faded somewhat by time, though a precious few still stood white against his whisky colored skin.

He loved them, each and every one of them. And hated them just as much.

Iruka opened his eyes slowly to gaze down at Naruto, his heart hesitating at the feral look he received. He didn't know…he just didn't know… How could he even begin to explain to Naruto how much better he felt when he bled? How the pain made everything so real to him? How just the fact that Ibiki would agree to hurt him like this showed how much the burly man loved him?

He stared at the blond and then gradually began to open his legs a little wider. He wanted Naruto to see his thighs, see the red welts that he'd only gotten last night, the new wounds that would scar beautifully…

"Naruto…" Iruka whispered, his voice hitching.

Naruto couldn't believe his eyes. They were deep. They were shallow. Some still were bleeding. God… He leaned forward before he could stop himself, and he kneeled in front of Iruka, blue eyes filled with pity, pain, and unidentifiable lust. He lifted Iruka's right leg and rested his foot on his shoulder as he knelt, baring all of Iruka's secrets to his eyes.

With a dark growl, Naruto leaned forward, and the flat of his tongue traveled up Iruka's inner thigh, hot and wet against the hurt skin. He nibbled across the unblemished skin and licked across the wounded, punished mocha expanse, eyes closing as he lapped at it. His hands pressed against Iruka's hips, pressing him to relax against the wall as he tasted sweat, blood, and something that smelled indescribable.

His eyes opened misted, blood red with only slits for his elliptical pupils. How long was it until Iruka would have to face the nightmare of the fox again? Would he be terrified? As much as Naruto wanted to shove the fox down, his sexuality and possessiveness all were parts of the Kyuubi…

And the fox was roaring forward as he looked up, running his tongue along a long, vicious cut along the lateral meniscus on the twisting muscle of Iruka's thigh. "You can't ask him to hurt you anymore," Naruto whispered. "Or I'll tell him about what I'm fixing to do to you."

Iruka's pulse jack hammered in his throat as he tried to hold Naruto's wild gaze. He couldn't and after a few moments he shut his eyes and let his head drop back against the wall. He enjoyed Naruto's hot tongue as it swept along his inner thigh, teasingly close…then slowly sliding away.

He was blushing heavily, he knew it; he could feel his ears burning. He couldn't explain though…he needed Ibiki to hurt him. Ibiki was stronger; Ibiki was the one to fuck him, not the other way around. It was his right to treat Iruka so roughly, even if he didn't want to indulge in it.

Iruka wanted the shame of hiding scars. He was so used to it…how could Naruto possibly understand? And he knew, of course he knew, that it was because of Mizuki that he had this need, this compulsion. Ibiki knew it too.

He'd convinced Iruka to try and take it easy for a week. Just one week…but he couldn't Iruka was too weak for it and had actually threatened Ibiki with finding someone else to do it for him. That had worked. That night Ibiki had bruised him so badly that it had been hard for him to walk the next day and he took a number of sick days spent recovering in his bed.

It didn't matter though that he knew Mizuki's abuse had turned him into this… He wanted it now.

Iruka glanced at Naruto, his brows coming together sorrowfully. And now…now the boy he'd thought of as a son wanted to…was going to… He swallowed thickly as his excitement rose. It was wrong, incredibly wrong. It would be Naruto, whom he loved, and the dangerous Kyuubi whom he hated.

And Naruto was so strong…

"Please," Iruka muttered desperately. "You don't understand..."

Naruto could smell the excitement on Iruka's body… It wafted over his senses as he slowly lowered that long, caramel leg to the cool wood floor and stood. He was still a good couple of inches shorter than Iruka, but as he began to peel off his black and orange jacket, his lean muscles shivered and contracted with the efforts.

His body that had once been boyish and soft was now golden, and while he still hadn't come to his full potential as a man, his body was lithe, impressively built and golden brown like the color of burnished bronze. He never broke his eye contact as he tugged off his shirt, pulling off his hitae-ate with it, letting the blond locks fall down in his eyes.

"Iruka," he left off the honorific, changing their relationship in that one split second of time, "You know what I'm going to do, don't you? You want it. I can smell it on you." He stepped forward, reaching for Iruka's vest and pushing it down off of his shoulders. His fingers grazed over Iruka's trembling stomach slowly before he grabbed the edge of the shirt and pulled it off.

His finger pulled at the tie in Iruka's hair, and as it fell down in waves around Iruka's face, Naruto's red eyes shimmered in unadulterated lust. Naruto fisted a handful of the chocolate silk, and for the first time in their lives, Naruto leaned forward and he kissed Iruka.

While the rest of him was wild and demanding, the kiss was not. It was slow, soulful, and painfully experienced.

"Iruka, I'm going to fuck you," Naruto whispered, "So you'll never think about ignoring me…ever again. And if you ever ask Ibiki to hurt you again, I'll know. And I'll tell him –everything- I did to you. Including how long it took for you to come with my cock in your ass."

At least he learned a few valuable things from traveling with the most perverted man in history. Talking dirty was one of them.

Iruka bit his lip to stifle a whimper as his hair was yanked and he was kissed thoroughly. It shouldn't be like this! Naruto was just a boy! He had been his teacher…it was wrong for them to even think this and yet…. Apparently the blond had been thinking about this incredibly immoral thing.

How could he have not noticed? How could Ibiki not have noticed? And if he had, wouldn't he have warned Iruka?

The brunette gazed at Naruto, his warm brown eyes wide and timid for once. "No," he begged. "I need it Naruto, please…you have no idea how much I need it, even now."

Iruka shuddered at the teen's body heat and chakra seeping into him. He moaned and closed his eyes, stepping out of his pants and staring wantonly into the blue gaze burning him.

"You just don't understand," Iruka said softly. "…and just imagine what Ibiki will do to you if you did tell him."

Naruto's lips kissed down Iruka's chest, and he paused at a dusky nipple, nibbling it, and deeming it alright…to offer just a little bit of pain, he bit into it, tongue laving across it.

"Yeah, he'd leave you," he confirmed.


	2. Chapter 2

He'd been surprised when Naruto hadn't been home, then curious when he wasn't at any of his usual places. However, it wasn't until he found the usually loud, to the point of being obnoxious, teen that he was actually worried. Naruto was sitting on the top of the Fourth's head of the hokage monument, huddled under a tree that had all but been shredded to toothpicks.

It took several hours for him to piece together the details of what exactly had happened. And, it took another hour before he had calmed Naruto down again. If he understood the situation correctly, it made sense to see the blonde looking like he'd just lost one of his most precious persons.

Kakashi assured him, for probably the hundredth time, that he would fix things. That Naruto had to trust him. He soothed his student and made sure he understood that what he did, while being completely the wrong thing to do, was not entirely his fault, and that he understood why the teen had acted as he had.

Naruto was more protective of Iruka than he was likely to be of anyone. When you combined that with being an overly hormonal teen that did't think things through before acting, there was a possibility that he hadn't considered Iruka reacting the way he had.

He pleaded with the copy-nin over and over again to make things go back to the way they were, anything, as long as Iruka would stop hating him. Stop pretending he didn't exist.

Despite the certainty Naruto felt on the matter, Kakashi was positive Iruka couldn't hate Naruto. If anything, he thought, it was more likely the man hated himself.

-

"I can't put things back the way they were for you, Ibiki-san. But, I might be able to help Iruka-sensei." He leaned against the door frame and watched the man he knew to be the best at controlling his emotions trying to keep from collapsing under the stress. "Is that what you want?"

"I couldn't help him. Couldn't fix it." Ibiki's voice cracked slightly. "I tried, you know."

"Hai. I'm sorry." He left the question out there and waited.

"I know I'm too close to him to be able to and still I thought... I thought I could." Ibiki ran a hand over the scars on his exposed head. "Do you really believe you can save him?" His eyes met Kakashi's then, pleading without words that the copy-nin of over a thousand jutsus had an answer.

So... Kakashi told him. And, when all was said that could be said, Ibiki nodded. The silver-haired nin turned to head out to speak to the last person he needed to speak to before he could act.

"You know, he'll attach himself to you by the time this is over." It wasn't a question. "And, if you reject him, it will be far worse for him than what he's going through now. It will crush him and quite possibly kill what's left of him."

Kakashi turned slightly, only enough to meet the other man's eyes. "I know."

-

Kakashi leaned over the still frame and frowned. He was surprised to find it actually physically hurt to see the usually bright-eyed chunin looking so utterly dejected. Iruka obviously hadn't moved to so much as eat in days, and he obviously wasn't sleeping well if the dark shadows under his eyes were any indication. The man was actually making himself sick. Sighing, the copy-nin crouched and scooped the sleeping man up.

"Wah? Huh? What's going on?" Iruka blinked up at him. "Kakashi-sensei..." His voice was weak, and Kakashi could see the confusion clouding his eyes. "Why are you here?"

"You're coming with me. I've informed the necessary people, so don't worry about your students." He kept the tone flat, but his expression belied the concern he felt. "I spoke to Naruto, Ibiki, and Tsunade. They agree that this is what's best for you."

He was surprised when Iruka made no protest, simply frowned and huddled in on himself more. Kakashi shifted Iruka's weight a bit before ducking out the door and into the pre-dawn light. His intention was to be out of Konoha before anyone was really up, and preferably to the retreat by lunch.

-

Handing the chunin a bowl of miso, Kakashi settled behind him and set a small bag beside him. "You need to eat something, so don't argue, or I'll use a jutsu I learned from Tsunade to make you eat. And, trust me when I say it's not pleasant."

Kakashi opened the bag and pulled out a comb, then proceeded to pull the hair tie out of the ratted brown hair. He took extra care not to pull, occasionally spraying the knots with a mixture he'd found in the man's bathroom. Slowly, they returned to their normal smooth tresses, but still gleamed, oily from not having been washed in well over a week.

He could see the barest shiver of Iruka's shoulder's and knew without looking that, despite the silence, tears were streaming down the other's face. He slid his fingers through the dark hair, lightly massaging the chunin's temples and scalp. Eventually, the shivering subsided and Iruka set his bowl down.

Only then did Kakashi move away. "Can you walk?" Iruka remained silent and unmoving, so he again scooped the man into his arms and carried him. This time to the bath house, where he stripped them both before carrying Iruka into the water.

The chunin made no protest. He simply sat there refusing to respond to the few questions he was asked. It was a little surprising that he actually held himself up instead of simply sliding under the water. Kakashi had a feeling the only reason that the man didn't, was out of some need to punish himself more.

After he had Iruka scrubbed pink, he took care of himself and then carried the chunin back inside. He in a bathrobe and Iruka wrapped only in a towel, he then settled the dark haired man on one of the beds.

"I'm going to give you a massage, Iruka-sensei. Your muscles need the stimulation, and it will help you sleep." He frowned at the lack of response. The man's eyes hadn't even changed. They were still as distant and unfocused as ever.

He started with Iruka's fingers, gently rubbing their tips before working his way down to the palm. The silence bothered him more than it usually did. He supposed it had something to do with the fact he simply did not associate it with the man lying there.

"Hn... The mission that I and Sakura were just on was interesting. Jiraiya would have given his left... hand for one like it. I had to escort this very beautiful princess and Sakura posed as one of her entourage," he said, really talking to himself just to have some noise. Occasionally, he slipped in obvious exaggerations, in hopes to elicit some form of response from the normally fiery chunin.

Kakashi didn't even bother to stop talking when Iruka's eyes slid closed, in either feigned or real sleep. He got up only when he had finished the entire massage.


	3. Chapter 3

"You must think I'm so pathetic," Iruka said, daring the copy-nin to argue. 

"Iruka-sensei, do you know where we are? What this place is?" Kakashi asked calmly before taking another bite of his food. 

The chunin studied his spoon intently, seeming to consider the possibilities. "An ANBU outpost?" 

"It was. Back in the war with Stone. We have a lot of them, too many in fact. So, when the war ended, and we had no real need to have so many, Tsunade suggested her second great idea; that we turn them into retreats." He leaned back in his chair and sipped his tea. "All ANBU reach a point where they simply break. It's a combination of the kind of work we do and having to keep our emotions constantly at bay." Kakashi set his cup down and studied Iruka for a reaction. The brunette looked away but said nothing. 

"Do you want to know where she got the idea?" The chunin nodded, slowly, still not looking up. "From an eight-year-old child who's father committed suicide right in front of his eyes. Who, after watching his father bleed to death in his arms, completely snapped and tried to kill a med-nin when she pulled him away from his father's lifeless corpse," he closed his eyes and swallowed before he continued. 

"They couldn't keep him in the village where he might escape, even if they confined him, while they helped him. After all, he was a chunin and quite capable of hurting somebody in a fit of rage without even thinking about it. And, it can be much more difficult to subdue a child and not severely hurt them." He took another sip of tea and set the cup back down. "So, they brought him here, this very outpost in fact." 

Iruka was staring at him, the dark brown eyes wide in astonishment. "Eventually, he recovered and even became quite an amazing shinobi, if I say so myself." Kakashi smiled, trying to ease some of the tension. 

"And, according to his sensei and Jiraiya, during his little fit of attacking a certain rather well endowed med-nin, the completely innocent child ripped open her shirt. They were quite appreciative, although they also attest that she was on the verge of killing the poor innocent boy, despite the situation." Kakashi smirked and watched the blush that slid across Iruka's face as he realized exactly who the med-nin must have been. "And, on the one occasion the boy asked her about it, you know, to apologize, of course, she turned an interesting shade of red and swore it never happened." 

Iruka shook his head and rolled his eyes slightly. 

Kakashi pouted at the response. "I tell you my darkest secret and my greatest fear, Tsunade, and you roll your eyes at me. I think I deserve at least a smile!" The corner of Iruka's mouth turned up slightly. 

Kakashi grinned. "That's more like it, but I think you can do better. After all, how many other people have fondled the hokage and lived to tell the tale?" 

"Kakashi-sensei, I'm sorry but I just don't really feel like smiling right now." Iruka sighed and stirred his soup. "I appreciate what you're trying to do, really." 

The silver-haired nin leaned forward and fixed a stern look on the teacher. "You're stronger than this." 

"I am not. I don't know where you got that idea, but you're wrong," Iruka said, looking away again. 

Kakashi reached out a hand and gently touched Iruka's chin, forcing the man to look at him. "Do you trust me?" The chunin hesitated but finally nodded. "Then believe me, you're stronger than even me. And, if I can survive, so can you." He released the brunette then leaned back and picked up his cup again. "When it comes to this kind of stuff, you're the strongest person I know." 

"Kakashi-sensei?" 

"Hn?" He raised an eyebrow and continued to sip his tea. 

"Why are you doing this for me?" Iruka didn't look at him while he waited for his answer. Kakashi noted that the chunin rarely met his eyes, even when he was looking right at him. 

"Iruka-sensei, I'll answer your question, if you'll answer mine." The dark-haired man looked up at him, surprised, quite possibly not expecting to actually get an answer. "You realize that, that's the first time you've met my eyes all morning? Why is that?" 

Iruka averted his eyes again, but said nothing. 

"Is it because I'm not wearing my mask, or is it simply that hard for you to look somebody who knows in the eyes?" 

"Forget I asked. It doesn't matter why you're doing this for me. It's just..." A small, somewhat forced smiled crossed the chunin's lips, finally softening. "Thank you." 

Kakashi sighed and shook his head. "You have far more people who care about you than you realize, Iruka-sensei," he said, resting his hand on Iruka's for a moment before picking up his tea again. 

-

Kakashi was somewhat relieved when he didn't have to carry Iruka to the bathhouse, although he did have to drag the blushing chunin along behind him. After he stripped, Iruka still hadn't moved to do so himself, so without ceremony Kakashi started to help him. 

"I'm not... you don't have to... I... I can do it myself," Iruka said, shoving the copy-nin away weakly. The silver-haired nin nodded and began gathering the various bath things and settling them in easy reach of the edge of the hot spring before climbing in. Iruka followed him in but sat as far away as he could. 

"Come here, Iruka-sensei. I'll wash your back. And, don't try to tell me you can do it yourself, just get over here." He tried to keep the amusement out of his voice, but some of it slipped through, despite his efforts. "You can wash mine in return." He watched as a deeper blush slid over the tanned features, and, when the man still didn't move from his corner, Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "I don't know why you're embarrassed. I did all this for you yesterday." 

After another moment of hesitation, Iruka slid over and sat in front of Kakashi, then promptly buried his face in his hands. "Thank you." It was a barely audible whisper, but after a moment the chunin relaxed and dropped his hands. 

Kakashi set the hair-tie beside the shampoo bottle and dragged his fingers though the soft brown hair. "You're hair is much nicer when it's washed." He poured the warm water over Iruka's hair. 

"We can go back tomorrow, I'm fine now. I can take care of myself." He watched Iruka visibly droop, as though it was suddenly much harder to sit up. 

He rinsed Iruka's hair, wondering what he should say. "You're free to go, Iruka, but I wouldn't advise it unless you really feel up to facing Naruto and Ibiki." He swallowed but managed to keep his hands moving, scrubbing Iruka's scalp. 

That seemed to be the worst thing he could have said because the other broke down in tears, burying his face in his hands again. This time, however, it wasn't to hide his embarrassment but rather to scrub at the tears sliding down his cheeks. 

Shaking his head at his own stupidity, Kakashi pulled Iruka against him and began rubbing his back with one hand. "I didn't mean to upset you." 

"I'm sorry for inconveniencing you so much, Kakashi-sensei," Iruka sniffled. 

Kakashi sighed. "This isn't some mission I was assigned. I offered my assistance, so any inconvenience I took on by choice, and is therefore not an inconvenience." He kept his voice soothing but firm. He hugged the chunin closer and laid his cheek against the top of Iruka's head. "I'm sorry." He was sorry for bringing the names up, for hurting Iruka when his intentions had been to help.

"It's not like it's your fault." Iruka shifted but didn't move away. 

He brushed his fingers through the soapy hair and pushed down the guilty feeling that whispered how nice it felt to just hold the other man. "I'm still sorry." 

They sat there until Kakashi was worried they'd both be boiled, and then he scrubbed the chunin and himself down quickly before getting out and heading back to the house. He'd use a jutsu later to clean the water for now he just wanted to get them out and settled.


	4. Chapter 4

Kakashi settled on the bed beside Iruka, carefully took his hand, and began the same full body massage he'd done the previous night. Iruka said nothing, simply watched the copy-nin, smiling softly. 

Honestly, he wasn't quite sure why, but he again started talking to the chunin about a mission. This time it was the first mission he'd been on with his genin team. 

It should have bothered him that he opened up to Iruka. He never really talked to anyone, not even those he should have considered close friends. He'd never so much as mentioned Obito or Rin to anyone who didn't already know who they were. Even then, it was reluctantly and usually because he hadn't been given a choice. 

Oddly enough, Ibiki knew. It was part of the annual ANBU evaluations to discuss past events that had caused breaks. But, he hadn't been inclined to tell the man more than facts, where as he found himself telling Iruka about how it had grated on his nerves to watch Rin ignore their friend's attentions. He even let it slip that, that had to do with the fact he'd had the slightest crush on the boy. Iruka had laughed softly, and then blushed and apologized for laughing at him. 

This time when he finished giving Iruka a massage, the chunin wasn't asleep. And, well, since he hadn't really finished the story he was telling, he didn't protest when said chunin shifted around and put his head in Kakashi lap. Instead, he combed his fingers through the mop of soft brown hair and continued telling his story. 

-

Kakashi stretched and then rubbed at his eyes. After a moment, he registered Iruka's chakra as being in the kitchen and made his way there, still a tad groggy. 

He wasn't even through the kitchen door when Iruka shoved a plate in his hands. "I made breakfast." The chunin shoved on his shoulder, forcing him towards the table. "Sit, I'll make the tea." 

So, he sat, and he watched Iruka make tea while he poked idly at his breakfast. "Are you okay, Iruka?" 

Iruka stopped pouring the tea for a moment. "I'm going to go back to Konoha. I think I should..." Then he finished pouring the tea and brought it over. "I've decided. I don't have to see them. Problem solved." 

Kakashi set his chopsticks down and fixed Iruka with a look. "You're just going to hold up in your house again and avoid everyone?" 

"No. Just them." Iruka was giving him an odd sort of smile, one that seemed out of place on the man's lips. 

"Naruto thinks you hate him, and Ibiki looks like he's about to fall apart himself." He'd intended to avoid them as a topic after the pain it had caused the night before.

"Maybe I do." His voice was cold, but the way he averted his gaze told Kakashi that he was lying. 

"I suppose I can see why you might. Naruto, a high strung teenager over-reacted when the person he cares about most in the world was being hurt. He let his hormones and emotions get the best of him." He frowned. "Then, there's Ibiki who was, yes, an idiot and let the kid find out because he was obviously too much of a coward to go to the hokage and tell her that his lover was engaging in self-destructive behavior. Instead, the callous bastard thought maybe if the person you cared about, talked to you about it, then maybe you'd stop begging him to hurt you." He shook his head and forced himself not to grit his teeth. "I completely understand why you would hate them for caring about you so much it was killing them. I can see resenting them forever because they were idiots, which, I certainly won't argue that point, they were." He wasn't trying to be mean, but he really didn't want to fail Naruto again. 

"What do you know? Nothing! You have no idea what I'm going through! I can't even look Naruto in the eyes, and I will never, NEVER be able to trust the man I'm in love with ever again!" Iruka screamed, slamming the tea set down on the table. The tea sloshed out of the cups, burning Iruka's hand. The chunin ignored it, choosing to continue glaring at him. 

Kakashi took a deep breath and let it out as slowly as he could manage. "You're right, you have my apologies." He stood up and headed for the door. "After all," he said, pausing. "The only people I've ever loved, are dead. And, I wouldn't know how it feels to hate myself for failing them. I'm sorry I assumed I could understand even remotely how you feel." 

He hadn't even taken two steps when he felt the hand on his hand, stopping him. "I'm sorry." 

Sighing, he turned around. "No, it was my fault. I shouldn't have lost my temper with you. I just don't want to see you lose them." 

"I don't hate them, I just..." Iruka frowned and looked away. "They don't understand." 

He slid his hand better into the chunin's and squeezed. "I know." He led Iruka in the living room and onto the couch. "It's hard for the people close to us to see us in pain and be unable to do anything," he said, laying down and pulling Iruka against him. "Breakfast can wait, you look like you need a nap." Kakashi smiled softly and petted the soft brown hair. "You didn't sleep at all last night, did you?" 

"I did too," Iruka protested before a yawn interrupted him. "But, a nightmare woke me up." 

"Ah. That explains your mood. I wondered how your smile had disappeared so quickly," he chuckled as he continued brushing the soft brown hair back. 

"Kakashi?" Iruka asked before yawning again. 

"Hmm?"He closed his eyes and stifled a yawn. 

"Stay with me this time." The words were barely out of the chunin's mouth before he was asleep. 

Kakashi released his hold on Iruka's hand and wrapped his arms around the man's waist. "K..." 

\----- 

It was well into the afternoon before Iruka woke up. Kakashi smiled at him and used the tip of one finger to push a stray hair out of the brunette's eyes. "Feeling better?" 

"I'd go back to sleep, but my stomach has other ideas," he said, turning his big brown eyes directly on Kakashi. "And, since you kept me from my breakfast, you get to make it this time. 

"I can't..." Kakashi said, winking as his smile changed to a smirk. 

"Oh, and why's that? And, don't try to tell me you can't cook. I already know better, seeing as how you've been doing all of it lately." 

"My arm is numb," he laughed softly. 

Iruka bolted upright, blushing about twenty shades of red. "I'm sorry, Kakashi, I didn't realize. I'm sorry." The blush deepened, turning the scar an even darker brown and causing Kakashi to laugh harder. 

Despite his protest otherwise, the silver-haired nin fixed breakfast. Although, it turned out to be more like a dinner, and he dragged Iruka onto the porch to eat it. 

"I'm not normally this clingy, you know that right?" Iruka said, poking at his food before picking up a vegetable with his chopsticks and popping it into his mouth. 

"It's normal for a person who's been through a traumatic experience to latch onto whoever tries to help them. Has something to do with our innate desire to be near other human beings. It reaffirms that we're alive and safe." Kakashi picked up a snow pea, looked at it, and dropped it in Iruka's bowl. "Or, in some cases an object they associate with those feelings." 

"You're almost as bad as Naruto about vegetables," the chunin laughed, staring at the 'offensive' pea pod. 

"Hn, it had a tear in it. It wasn't perfect." He smiled but didn't mention the fact that Iruka had just mentioned the blond without so much as a pause. "And, no matter what Tsunade tells you I do not own a ratty plushie cat with a button for one eye. And, the button hasn't had to be replaced multiple times because I supposedly chew on it when I'm upset." This time, Kakashi dropped half a piece of baby corn in Iruka's bowl. "It doesn't exist and most importantly, she hasn't had to replace said eye in the last year." 

Iruka laughed and popped the vegetable in his mouth. "What did the corn do to offend you?" 

"It's broken. They don't taste the same when they're broken." He carefully studied a bamboo shoot before popping it into his mouth. 

"So, you have a little stuffed cat? Do your summons know? And, do they know you chew on it's eye?" A small laugh escaped the chunin's lips. 

"He's not little, he's bigger than Pakkun. And, I let them use him if they're hurt or sick, but they're not allowed to chew on Nyanko.[1]" Kakashi winked at him. "That's, of course, assuming such a item exist."

"Of course." Iruka took another bite of food and chewed it thoughtfully. "I wouldn't have taken you for a cat person, though." 

"My mother had cats for summons. They used to chase my father's summons around. She used to watch it with me, and we decided Nyanko was the greatest ninja cat ever. After all, only a ninja can henge, and he was very good at henging into food." Kakashi watched as Iruka tried not to laugh. "My father tried to watch it with me after she died, but he never quite understood the fascination or our game of trying to henge into whatever item Nyanko did." 

Iruka looked down at his empty bowl and frowned before setting it aside. "Have you ever lost Nyanko?" 

"Just once. Pakkun found him for me, though." He smiled at the chunin, reassuringly. "Don't tell, but that's the real reason Pakkun is my favorite ninken." 

"What would you have done if Pakkun hadn't found him?" Iruka asked, pulling his knees up to his chest and staring off into the trees. 

"I'm not sure. I'd have survived, I'm sure. Although, I might have started chewing on Pakkun's ears as a substitute," Kakashi laughed. "Of course, he probably would have bitten me back." 

"Is it really that easy to replace your comfort item? Isn't it supposed to be special, irreplaceable even?" A strand of chocolate-colored hair slipped free of the hair tie to dance in the breeze against the tan skin. 

The jounin swallowed, the things left unsaid terrified him. He'd known, when he'd decided to help, that the chunin could easily come to depend on him. He'd thought, however, that it wouldn't happen quite so quickly. And, a very small part of him had hoped he could convince Iruka to focus on Ibiki. He was beginning to doubt that, and the idea that Iruka might always depend on him worried and intrigued him. The fact that a small part of him longed for that bothered him even more. He simply wasn't used to letting somebody rely on him that way. "I guess you'll just have to make sure it doesn't get lost then." He hoped his voice didn't sound as shaky to the chunin as it did to him. 

Iruka turned to look at him, laying his cheek against the top of his knees. "I guess you're right." The smile that lit the tanned face was both light and real. 

Kakashi felt his cheeks heat up under the sudden scrutiny, a slight smile pulled at his lips, but he held the other's gaze for a moment before taking their empty bowls inside, telling himself, repeatedly, that he did not just blush.


	5. Chapter 5

Warm water slid over his hair and down his back. The way the fingers slid over his scalp, scrubbing softly at the silver hair, was relaxing. He was getting far too used to this after only a week. 

During the day, Iruka was seemingly back to his bright, happy self. They spent the mornings training, and in the afternoons he'd read while the teacher wrote out lesson plans. Kakashi sent those, along with an informal daily report, back to Konoha via Pakkun in the evenings. He'd informed Iruka the first time, that if he wished to send anyone a letter, Pakkun could do that as well. His ninken had shot him a dirty look just outside of the chunin's field of vision. Iruka had furrowed his brows, shoved the scrolls he'd written at Kakashi, and then refused to look at him for the entirety of dinner. So, the copy-nin didn't bring it up again. 

Despite the daylight smiles, however, the nightmares weren't going away. And, he often found his arms full of sniffling, shaking chunin before morning came. It worried him. So much so, that for the last few days he found himself awake hours after he'd seen Iruka off to bed, only sleeping once the dark-haired man crawled in with him. Even then, it was a light sleep as he whispered comforting words to the other man. He'd feign sleep when Iruka finally slipped away in the morning, and neither brought it up during the day. 

He pushed the thoughts away, for the moment, and simply enjoyed the all too comforting feeling of having his hair washed. 

-

Kakashi rubbed small circles into the palm of Iruka's hand as he tried to find the words he was looking for. Usually, he just started talking about various random topics, like his missions, gossip, and Icha Icha; which always made the chunin blush, which was always entertaining. He rubbed his thumb over Iruka's wrist and cleared his throat, the other man raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything. 

"You know I only want to help right?" Might as well start off making sure the chunin knew this wasn't going to be the same nearly one-sided conversation it had been on previous nights. And, maybe clarifying that it wasn't just curiosity, or worse, some sick game he was playing, would keep the chunin from clamming up or killing him. 

He watched the way Iruka tensed before finally nodding. "It's not that I want to make you uncomfortable or upset." Kakashi stared at his hands as he worked. "But, I'm not sure how to ask you what I need to ask." 

"You could try Naruto's approach, and ask me how I can let somebody do those things to me, or Ibiki's and ask how I can possibly consider it a sign of love." The tone was resentful as Iruka tried to pull his wrist away. 

"That's not what I was going to ask," the silver-haired nin said, sparing a glance from under the cover of his still damp hair. "I'm sure you don't know the answer to those, or you'd have given it to them and then, I assure you, I'd already know." He tried to keep his tone soothing, but they still seemed to brush the chunin the wrong way. 

"I don't want to talk about this," Iruka said, glowering at him. 

Kakashi sighed. "I can help, if you'll just trust me. And, I promise I'm not going to try and tell you that you're some kind of idiot for letting Mizuki do those things to you." He waited until the tanned wrist he was still holding was no longer being tugged on, before he continued. "More importantly, I don't consider them entirely bad things. It's strictly a matter of degree." 

The last remark seemed to genuinely surprise the chunin, and he visibly relaxed. Albeit, a good part of that was probably from the shock he wasn't going to be berated yet again. 

"Tell me about your kinks." He cringed inwardly, and thought about how brilliantly he, the 'supposed' genius, had just phrased that question. There was no way Iruka was going to do anything of the sort. The dark-haired nin would likely punch him and storm off, no matter how clingy he'd been lately. You simply didn't go telling somebody other than a lover those kinds of things. And, Kakashi was guessing, it would have to be a person you'd been with for awhile. 

"I..." Kakashi risked another small glance at the chunin to find him blushing and looking rather like he was imitating a fish. "..can't" The word slipped, seeming to surprise even Iruka. 

Kakashi considered the situation for a moment. "Come here." He pulled on the chunin's wrist. Iruka seemed more than a little hesitant by this point, but allowed himself to be dragged between the copy-nin's legs, with his back against the man's chest. "Now you don't have to look at me, you can even pretend your talking to yourself, if you like." 

"I doubt very much that I can pretend that you're not here," Iruka said, his voice laced with irony. 

"I could henge into a pillow if you like," he teased and then smiled at the way Iruka's shoulders shook as he laughed. 

"You'd make a very strange pillow, Kakashi." 

"Fine, you can just pretend I'm somebody else then," he said, pretending to pout. "If you tell me who, I'll even henge into them for you." 

"You're insane, you realize that, right?" Iruka asked, shaking his head slightly. 

"Maybe, but I will, if you need me to." Kakashi released Iruka's hand and took the other, starting the massage all over. 

"It's okay, it's just embarrassing," he said as he laid his head back to rest on Kakashi's shoulder. "I know it's because of Mizuki, but I can't help them." 

"There are usually reasons for them, and I'm pretty sure the kinks are not the problem. More than likely, it's the severity to which they're carried out." He poured a little more oil into his hand before working his hands slowly up Iruka's arm. 

"It's a lot harder than you make it sound." The brunette leaned forward as Kakashi released his arms and touched the man's shoulder's lightly. "I can talk about it with Ibiki only when we're actually... were... when we were." Iruka's voice took on a slightly irritated tone. "Never again." 

"You could..." 

"NO!" Iruka cut him off, turning around slightly to fix him with a glare for a moment. "If he hadn't let... then maybe. If he had done anything else but that." 

"Hn..." Kakashi brushed the loose brown hair out of the way and began rubbing the caramel shoulders again. "I need to know, in order to help." 

"I like..." Iruka swallowed. "I don't know why, but I like it when he ties me up. The way the ropes feel on my skin, the tighter the better. I want them to leave marks." 

The sudden willingness to talk about it bothered the jounin, almost more than the words themselves. "Being tied up is supposed to demonstrate a willingness to give up control. The person tying you up has a choice." He felt the muscles under his hands tense and focused his attention on gently kneading them until the chunin relaxed again. "They can turn it into a power game and take what they want. Or, they can refuse to take anything, refuse to let you give them anything, unless you ask for it. It should be about the two people involved caring enough about one another to think of the other person before themselves." 

"I like the way it feels, though." 

"Mmm, it causes your adrenaline to spike. There are less harmful ways to do that, however. And, they're much more effective, I might add." Kakashi swept his hands down the tan muscles of Iruka's back. "What else?" 

"I like... I like when he talks to me, tells me what I want." He knew the chunin was blushing at his own words, simply by the way his voice quieted near the end of the statement. 

"Of course, it's nice to know they know what you like, and it allows you a glimpse into their fantasies. As long as the words aren't used to hurt." The chunin tensed again, and Kakashi worked at a knot in Iruka's lower back, letting the chunin absorb the information. 

"I like when he tells me I'm a horrible person and punishes me for it. I feel better afterwards. Especially, if it breaks the skin. Every touch feels better, every kiss is like he's healing the wounds and, for once, they're not just in my head." 

Kakashi felt himself tense at that one, his hands going still for the briefest second. "All shinobi, possibly all people, feel like they need to atone for the things they've done, said, even thought at some point." He pulled Iruka backwards to lean on his chest. "But, the person who loves you needs to remind you of the things that are good about you," he said, leaning forward. "So you don't forget." The words were whispered, his breath causing a few strands of hair to tickle Iruka's ear. 

After a moment, Kakashi leaned back and began running his fingers through Iruka's hair, gently massaging his scalp and temples. "Spanking, gently brings the blood to surface, it makes things feel more sensitized. They don't need to break skin to do that."

Working his hands down over the chunin's toned shoulders, Kakashi paused for a moment, considering what the other man had said. "And the reason it feels good to bleed is very close to the same reason it feels good to cry or scream or even train until every single muscle hurts. It's the adrenaline. However, unlike the others, drawing your own blood leaves a permanent mark and does a lot more physical damage. If you're not careful you could lose your ability to continue being a shinobi." He felt Iruka take a breath, ready to say something and cut the chunin off before he could. "I know you're careful. I know Ibiki's careful. Hell, I'm sure even Mizuki was, after all he wouldn't have wanted anyone to find out." He let the words sink in and was surprised the brunette didn't take the chance to protest. "That said it only takes one mistake. Being startled by somebody banging on your door with an emergency, a slip of the wrist, a cough and everything you've worked for could be gone."

"It could be anyway." It wasn't a sullen or spiteful remark merely the other making a point.

"Yes, but the weight of only one of those is truly on your shoulders. The other's on fate's." The chunin leaned against him, resting his head in the crook of Kakashi's neck.

"The scars..." Iruka didn't finish the thought. 

"Hn... That one I understand the best. I'm reminded of why I have them, every time I see them. It tells me, I survived. But, when I look in the mirror, sometimes all I can see is that somebody else didn't." He leaned his scared cheek against the side of Iruka's head. "I hate it the most because knowing that, hurts." He wrapped his arms around Iruka, holding him close. "It's actually two scars. I got it first when I saved his life.... then he saved mine. And so, I love it the most because it proves he existed. And, I know how much he loved me, and how much I loved him." 

Iruka tried to twist around to look at him, and, after a moment, Kakashi let him. The chunin lifted the black fabric he used as a substitute for his hitai-ate, and traced over the scar there with his thumb. He let Iruka wipe away the tears he hadn't noticed, and watched as the chunin blinked back his own. 

Slowly, Iruka leaned forward and planted soft lips against the pale white line. It was nearly too light, too brief to really feel it. A ghost of a kiss. "I'm sorry." Iruka said it as he wrapped his arms around the copy-nin and hugged him close. Kakashi didn't pull away, and he didn't think he could have even if he'd wanted to.


	6. Chapter 6

Pale hands worked a thin strip of black fabric in intricate patterns over much darker skin. "I can teach you these knots, and while they are effective in that you'd have to work to get rope burn, they're not all that effective if a person wants to get away." He tied off the ends, showing the chunin how the tail of it was in easy reach of his finger tips.

"But..." Iruka started to protest, probably to say he liked the rope burns.

"Do you trust me?" His mismatched eyes met Iruka's brown ones, and the chunin nodded. "Then remember what I said. While this will be frustrating for you, at first, eventually your body will learn to enjoy it even more than the pain. We just have to remind it how."

"But, I thought you said..."

"I did. And, I'm not going to try to convince you that your kinks are something to avoid." He brushed the stray hair out of Iruka's eyes for the third or fourth time. The damn thing kept slipping free of the hair tie and Kakashi was just about ready to clip the damn thing back with a barrett, only he didn't know where any were. "I'm just teaching you how to enjoy them without hurting yourself anymore."

Iruka frowned, obviously either worried or doubtful.

"I need you to tell me when something hurts. No matter how much you want me to continue doing it." Honestly, with his sharingan, he'd be able to guess at the things that were causing physical discomfort. It was the emotional aspect he was worried about.

"I told you I would."

Kakashi sat up, shifting his weight to kneel beside the Iruka on the bed. "If you want to stop, just use the safety word. Hell, even if you just ask me to stop, I will. If you're at all unsure about something..."

"I know. Kakashi, I'm not going to forget. So, you can stop reminding me every five minutes." Iruka shook his head slightly. "I'm telling you this isn't going to work. It takes more than a massage to..." Kakashi knew with out being able to see Iruka's face that he was blushing. "I mean you've given me massages before, and I've never..." The silver-haired nin watched as the chunin's ears turned a light pink.

"Really?" He asked before quickly dragging the tip of his finger down Iruka's spine.

"Ye-HEY!" Iruka shrieked, pulling himself onto his knees before the finger could get beyond the small of his back. "What the fuck did you just do?" He was panting slightly as he glared at Kakashi over his shoulder.

"The copy-nin smirked. "Just proving my point."

"That still doesn't tell me what you just did."

"Well, various parts of a person's body react rather strongly to chakra stimulation." He started to explain.

"You mean like a Hyuuga?" Iruka asked, interrupting.

Kakashi cleared his throat. "And, while I can use that as a way to make a person relax, as I have been doing for the last week, I can also use it to elicit other responses."

The chunin gaped at him. "Tell me you didn't learn that from a Hyuuga."

"I could tell you that, but I'm trying not to lie to you. You wouldn't want me to start now, would you?" Kakashi laughed as he rubbed the back of his neck. "If I was to be completely honest, though, I should really tell you who taught me that."

"Gyah! No! Don't you dare! I don't want to know!" The darker-skinned man said, shaking his head, and then hopelessly tried to bury his head between his forarms. 

So, of course, Kakashi couldn't resist leaning foward to whisper in the chunin's ear. "Hiashi really isn't one to piss off. He is more twisted in his revenge than Anko."

"I said I didn't want to know, you bastard!" Iruka kept his head buried. "Gah! Now I have that burned in my brain!"

Laughing, the silver-haired devil leaned back. "I could go into detail, if you like."

"Don't you dare!" The chunin hissed. "I mean it. I will get my revenge, if you do. Ask Anko about the week she had pink hair."

Kakashi held his hands up in defeat and laughed. "Alright, I won't. Now, be good and lay back down." Iruka slipped back onto his stomach, tension obvious in the bunched muscles of his back. "No need to worry, sensei. I don't bite... hard."

Blushing lightly, Iruka rolled his eyes. "Why did I let you talk me into this, again?"

"You couldn't resist my charms?"

"Hmph, I assure you that's /not/ the reason." The brown ponytail bobbed as he shook his head, sighing.

"Fine, be that way," he laughed. "But, I am charming." Slowly, he let his hands brush across the tan skin. And, although his touch was feather light, he let his chakra sink a lot deeper, brushing points he had already learned would turn the other man into a puddle.

He watched as Iruka's eyes slid closed, then he fed the barest amount of chakra into a point on the chunin's tan neck. The response was immediate, if extremely quiet. If he hadn't been listening, he would never have heard the chunin gasp. Slowly, he repeated the motion, letting his chakra dance down Iruka's skin as he moved his hands over the man's scarred back.

Iruka wasn't the only one affected by the massage, although, Kakashi didn't even have an excuse. The gi would only hide the fact, if Iruka didn't actually look, or if he kept himself positioned just right. He focused long enough to push the desire away. 

This wasn't about him, and he wouldn't let it be. Iruka needed to be relaxed, and he didn't need Kakashi pushing his own needs onto him. Honestly, he thought, that, that had been ninety percent of Naruto's problem, and probably a good chunk of Ibiki's as well. Not to say they weren't entitled to want it, but they both knew Iruka was far too kind to push them away.

Naruto's mistake was the most obvious of the two. He'd pushed his own feelings and desires onto the man without considering how Iruka actually felt. It was a teenager's mistake, from a teenager.

However, Ibiki had done something just as bad. Despite Kakashi's opinion that he probably deserved a second chance, he had still made the mistake, and it had proven to be a grave error of judgement. He hadn't put what was best for his lover first, because he was too afraid of losing him. If he had gotten the chunin help as soon as he noticed the... tendancies, Iruka might have forgiven him in the end. Hell, if he just hadn't let Naruto, of all people, find out... Anyone would have been better than the boy Iruka saw as a son. He supposed that it helped that he had nothing to lose, Iruka wasn't his... anything.

Kakashi slid his hands over the lighter skins of Iruka's ass, keeping the touches light and brief before moving onto the man's muscular legs. He felt Iruka shiver slightly and kneaded the muscles a little rougher while still keeping it light for a massage. Iruka relaxed again, and a light moan slipped from between his lips at the image. He bit down on it immediately, and hoped the chunin hadn't heard.

He pulled on Iruka's hip, motioning for him to turn over. The chunin rolled over but kept his face turned and his eyes averted. Kakashi noted the already straining erection and the deep blush covering the scarred cheeks. The jounin said nothing, simply lowered his face and began kissing his way along the inside of Iruka's calf.

It wasn't until he nipped lightly at the inside of Iruka's thigh that the chunin half jumped out of his skin, crying and begging incoherently. The sudden motion, caught even the jounin offguard, and he bit his lip when Iruka's leg slammed into his jaw as the man tried to get away from him. He ignored the bleeding lip and pulled the chunin into his arms, quickly yanking the thread of the bindings on the chunin's hands.

Tears streamed down Iruka's face as he buried it into the crook of Kakashi neck and he slid his arms around the man's pale chest. Kakashi rubbed slow circles into the small of the chunin's back, touching a few key points with his chakra. Slwoly, Iruka relaxed. The tears, however, didn't stop even as a small amount of cum leaked from his now flacid member.

"Shh... Iru-koi. It'll be okay, I promise," Kakashi soothed as he pulled the hair tie out and ran his fingers through the loose brown hair. "Shhh..." The man in his arms continued to sob, his shoulders shaking as tears flooded down his cheeks and onto the jounin's chest.

Kakashi wrapped the blanket around Iruka and picked him up, still whispering nonsensical words in the man's ear. When he stepped outside Iruka finally took notice.

"What? Where are we going?" He asked, rubbing at his eyes and blinking.

"Just outside, Iru-koi. Just outside." He leaned against the wall and slid down, shifting Iruka into a more comfortable position on his lap. "It's okay, see?" He brushed the hair out of Iruka's eyes and wiped at the tears on the man's cheeks. Iruka laid his head back against Kakashi's chest and didn't say anything, but the tears finally stopped.

He rubbed the chunin's back softly until the man's breathing evened out to deep shallow breaths. Kakashi, however, knew it was unlikely he'd fall asleep so quickly. He considered the problem, picking over the details with his own meticulate manner. Eventually, sleep overcame him, and he fell asleep with a slight smile on his lips at the knowledge he might have a solution for this particular hurdle.


	7. Chapter 7

Kakashi dragged his fingers through Iruka's hair. The chunin was tense. His shoulders had bunched up the moment Kakashi had lain down beside him. 

Iruka, had disappeared right after lunch, not that the copy-nin had tried to stop him. Instead, he'd elected to follow the chunin discreetly, to observe. He'd watched silently as Iruka, had slipped into the forest and trained against clones until he was soaked with sweat. 

The way he'd pushed himself over and over, until he his chakra was dangerously low, both worried and impressed Kakashi. The look was a mix of determination and irritation, and it was very different from the usual light-hearted smile the chunin wore when they trained together. It reminded him of Gai, and he had, had to smother a laugh when the similarity had hit him. 

Seeing him now, like this, only hours later, made it only that much more apparent how completely broken Iruka had been by the whole incident. He hoped he'd actually be able to help. 

"Are you okay?" He wasn't even sure Iruka would bother to answer, and at first the chunin didn't. The deep brown eyes stared off in that way a person does when they're either deep in thought or simply lost in it. 

"I should have stopped him." The words were spoken with the same distance that the man's eyes held. 

"Do you honestly think you could have? If the Kyuubi was so close to the surface that Naruto noticed his own lack of ability to restrain himself, then I'm not even sure I'd have been capable of such." He hoped he'd guessed right, and that Iruka was referring to Naruto and not Mizuki. 

"I was..." Iruka swallowed audibly, obviously trying to get his emotions under control. "I was turned on by him. I enjoyed it," Iruka said with a self-deprecating tone lacing his every word. 

"Iru-koi, sometimes we can't help how we respond to somebody physically. It's not always a reflection of how we feel for them. Sometimes, the body simply responds to the stimulus even if our hearts aren't in it." He slid his hands through the soft, brown hair, wanting to sooth the chunin. 

"What would you have done?" Iruka looked at him then, and the pleading he saw there tore at Kakashi's heart. 

"It never would have happened to me. Although, it's not because I'm so much wiser, or because I would have known the right thing to do. It's simply for the fact that I never would have followed him." Iruka seemed hurt by the words. "Iru-koi, I'm not saying you going after him was a mistake. It's just not what I do. I'm not very good at letting people get that close to me." 

Iruka nodded as though understanding, then looked away again, obviously still at a loss for what he should have done. 

"The things you do that make everyone want to be near you, that make people love you, I'm not good at them."   
Iruka turned on his side to face Kakashi, and the scar on his nose twitched slightly as the man half smiled and rolled his eyes. "You're a lot better at them than you think, Kakashi." 

"No, I think it's you. It's just a side effect of being near you," he said as he dragged a hand down Iruka's side. 

"Liar," the chunin muttered, a light blush coloring his cheeks. 

"You've been listening to the kids too much. I don't lie. I simply state the truth in a less obvious manner."   
Iruka laughed and shook his head. "Less obvious? A black cat crossed your path is supposed to mean what exactly?" 

"Hmph. I'll have you know that meant I ran into Tenzou. He's very bad luck, since running into him usually means it's something I have to deal with," he said as he trailed his fingers over the nicely tanned skin of Iruka's thigh. "If they can't figure out what I mean, then they either don't need to know, or they need to learn to listen better." 

"I bet you just made that up." 

"No. I don't generally make things up. I might say things that seem very odd to others, but it's not because I'm lying. Anyone who really tried would be able to figure out what I meant. Of course, I rarely let anyone get close enough to figure me out." He brushed his nails up the back of the chunin's leg; Iruka tensed very slightly but didn't flinch or move away. 

"You've spent a lot of to time with Naruto lately." The statement was really more of a question, but he knew he was merely being given the opportunity to ignore the inquiry.   
Kakashi nodded, stilling the motion of his hand to study the man's reaction.. But, when Iruka didn't say anything, he continued dragging his fingertips over the honey-colored skin. "Naruto's a good kid. He has a lot of promise as a shinobi, even if he is a little dense at times. I really do believe he's capable of being the greatest shinobi any of us will have the pleasure of knowing. This, of course, makes him fascinating to watch." 

Iruka's eyes softened, and the chunin frowned slightly. "Nobody used to believe that of him." 

"You did, and I have no doubt Sandaime did as well. It really isn't any wonder his strongest ties are to you." He paused as Iruka's face fell. "That's probably why he thinks he's in love with you." This was obviously what was bothering Iruka, since the frown increased. 

"You don't think he is?" The chunin asked after a moment. 

"No." The answer seemed to surprise the brunette. "He probably doesn't even realize it himself, but he's mistaking his missing you, and the protectiveness and love he does feel for you, as being in love. He's a teenager; it's not exactly rare for them to think they're in love with those they're closest to." 

"I never..." Iruka started. 

"Mizuki," Kakashi stated, cutting him off. "Tell me he wasn't the person you were closest to." Iruka's jaw dropped, and he stared wide eyed at the copy-nin, as though he'd never even considered the idea that he might not have been 'in love' with Mizuki before. "That's not to say you weren't in love with him, but I doubt it." 

"Then what's the difference between being best friends with some one and being in love with them?" There was no mistaking the doubt, or the irritation, in the chunin's voice. 

"Since I've never been in a relationship, or even spoken those particular words to some one, I can't say for sure. However, I think it has a lot to do with putting them first. I suspect it's also has something to do with not expecting anything in return; that includes accepting that they may not return your affections." His hand brushing Iruka's hip before stopping to rest there. 

"If you don't know what it is, then how do you know I wasn't in love with Mizuki, or that Naruto isn't in love with me? Seems to me you don't know a whole lot about the matter." 

"I can't know for sure. Maybe you're even in love with Ibiki. I'm fairly certain, if he loves anyone, it's you." He slid off the bed, heading for the door. "I think it's just something you have to figure out for yourself." With that, he slipped out the door, leaving Iruka staring after him.


	8. Chapter 8

"So, what's next?" 

Kakashi looked up to find Iruka leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed and a resigned look on his face. 

"I have things I have to figure out, but I can't do that if I'm stuck out here cowering in fear every time somebody so much as touches me." The expression didn't change, but an irritated tone joined the words this time. 

Kakashi smirked. "I have an idea or two." 

\------ 

"Okay, now give me your hands," Kakashi said once Iruka was settled between his knees. 

"Huh? I thought you said we weren't going..." 

"I'm not going to tie them," he said, cutting Iruka off. "In case you haven't realized by now, some of the most sensitive points are in your hands. Well, at least the less awkward ones," he said, chuckling softly at the way the chunin blushed. 

"You're going to..." The blush deepened, and Iruka's voice trailed off. 

"No. You're going to talk to me. Tell me about something that makes you happy, relaxed, or just calm. I don't care what it is. It doesn't have to be some great secret, just something that evokes those feelings. I'm going to focus on helping you feel relaxed using the same technique I used to give you massage and to help you sleep." Kakashi bit his cheek to keep from laughing at the surprise that lit other man's face at his words. 

"How is that supposed to help me get over my anxiety?" The doubt in Iruka's voice was almost as entertaining as his surprise that Kakashi didn't just jump him. 

Kakashi made a quick hand sign, and a clone appeared beside them. "Because, while we're busy trying to keep your emotions in check, he..." Kakashi tilted his head to indicate the clone. "Is going to be focusing all his attention on the places that seem to make you the most anxious. Hopefully, after a few tries, your body will start to associate the two. So, instead of associating sex with fear and pain, you'll start pairing it with feeling happy, relaxed, and, most importantly, being safe." [2.] 

Iruka looked away, the blush that had nearly disappeared returning in force. 

\------ 

Kakashi was barely through his own bedroom door before his clone henged into Iruka and rushed him, grinding their hips together. Teeth clashed, as the need boiled over. 

Holding his libido at bay, while maintaining a shadowclone /and/ using the modified healing technique, had proved to be far more draining than he'd first thought it would be, two weeks ago. 

He groaned and shoved his clone backwards to the bed, ripping off the few clothes they had on in the steps it took to reach the futon. 

On the bright side, Iruka seemed almost completely at ease having his legs touched, and it certainly didn't seem to bother the man once Kakashi's clone began sucking him off. Of course, keeping Iruka talking beyond that point had become rather hopeless, as the chunin could barely get even a few strangled words out between the moans and gasps of pleasure. 

There were a few times Kakashi wasn't sure he'd be able to keep his own lust in check as he watched Iruka arch his back, begging and pleading for more. He was grateful that the man always slipped into sleep only a few minutes after he came. This was especially helpful the first night, when he'd made the mistake of dispelling his clone immediately after. The combination of watching the chunin being sucked off, and the shared experience of being responsible for the way the man writhed and moaned, was too much. He nearly came before he could get Iruka tucked in and get out the door. 

It was still a damn close call most days. And, although he felt more guilt than he cared to admit to, it was worth the wait to bury himself inside Iruka before coming. Even if it was just a henged clone. 

He lapped at the tan neck, nipping softly at the flesh. The clone always kept his eyes closed, always picturing Iruka's face. Already far too close to the edge, Kakashi grabbed the lube from beneath his pillow and slicked his throbbing erection. It was always so fast, so rushed; and he knew if he really had Iruka in his arms he'd be taking his time, but right now it was simply need and lust that drove him. 

Kakashi thrust into the tight heat, the sound of Iruka moaning still fresh in his mind. Fingers dragged along his flesh, pleading without words for more.   
Fingers that, had they truly belonged to the chunin, would not have known the exact places to apply pressure to, to push him faster towards that edge. But, as it was, they kneaded his back, driving him slowly forward as he thrust faster and deeper into the soft confines of the one beneath him. 

He watched as his pretend Iruka came hard and vanished in a puff of smoke. The briefest moment passed before he was shuddering his own release onto the sheets and collapsing from the exhaustion of coming twice in a row always brought with it. 

He'd lay like that for a few hours; until he was able to pull the blankets he'd drawn down in advance, over himself.


	9. Chapter 9

Kakashi rubbed his thumb over the bite mark on Iruka's hip, chiding himself inwardly as he watched the other man sleep. There was another marking the dip where the man's thigh met his stomach, and the tips of Kakashi's fingers traced small circles around it and over it. 

The fact that Iruka had asked, no begged for them, didn't help to ease his conscious. His ego refused to let the memory rest, and he was far too smart not to realize why. 

"Please, Kakashi?" The chunin whispered the plea in his ear, while sitting on the copy-nin's lap in nothing but a pair of pants. 

They'd been talking about Iruka's kink with spanking, and similar methods of bringing blood to the surface. The chunin had surprised him by sliding onto his lap and all but demanding Kakashi demonstrate. Then, when he'd hesitated, Iruka had leaned forward and whispered the request his voice sultry with need. 

"Alright, Iru-koi." He'd had Iruka lie on his back, and then the jounin had pulled the edge of the brunette's pants down just enough to reveal a carmel colored hip. 

The chunin watched him as he lowered his head to plant a light kiss on the skin. He licked the spot, smiling softly at the way Iruka gasped. Then, he pressed his lips against the skin, tracing small circles over the area with the tip of his tongue, relishing the shivers dancing down his own spine. Sucking at the flesh drew a moan from the brunette. When Kakashi lightly bit down, Iruka whimpered and then snaked a tanned hand down to touch himself before sliding the waist band down to grip his growing erection.

Kakashi decided this was by far the sexiest thing he'd ever seen, then quickly bit back the moan threatening to escape. He lapped at the tanned flesh watching the chunin writhe, the brown eyes closed in ecstacy.   
When the flesh was warm, and slightly bruised, he pulled away. 

"More... please, I need more," the chunin whimpered, arching his hips and pleading again. 

Taking a deep breath, he forced the desire away, then leaned down to lap at the bruise that had started to form. Iruka moaned and threaded his fingers through Kakashi's hair. 

Kakashi trailed kisses over the hip, nipping gently at the flesh before stopping at a point that had elicited a particularly thready moan from the chunin. He nibbled at the flesh, his hand gripping Iruka's other hip to hold him still as he began sucking at the new spot. 

He felt Iruka's fingers brush his cheek as the man quickened his pace, moaning incoherent words. The copy-nin licked the skin and then pulled back to blow on it lightly. The brunette arched forcefully against Kakashi's hand, and the jounin sucked the flesh into his mouth, marking it a bright red.

When Iruka came, shuddering his release over his own stomach, Kakashi allowed a quiet moan to escape before he managed to clamp down on it again. Then, he pushed his own need aside again as he slid up beside Iruka and pulled the panting man against him. 

The snuggling had become a part of their little routine about a month after arriving. Iruka had grabbed his wrist one night when he'd tried to slip away, and so he'd stayed. In the few weeks since, he'd begun to wonder how wise that decision had been.

Kakashi wasn't sure why he'd chosen this particular method; but, now that it was done, he couldn't keep his hand away from the marks. 'But, you're not mine...' Kakashi mused, the guilt washing over him again. 

"Iruka?" he asked, unsure if the chunin was even awake enough to hear him. 

"Hm?" Iruka asked, turning to look sleepily up at the copy-nin. 

"Do you love him?" Kakashi wasn't sure why he asked when he already knew the answer. Maybe he was just as much a masochist as the man lying next to him.   
The brown eyes blinked, the edge of sleep clouding them as the man yawned. 

"Mmhm..." Iruka murmured, nodding slightly, his eyes sliding closed for a few seconds before he opened them again.

"Then, you should give him a second chance. He loves you, you know." Kakashi brushed a brown strand to the side. "You asked a lot of him, when you asked him to hurt you like you did. Ibiki really doesn't like to hurt people, but he did it for you, even though it hurt him." It hurt to say, but he knew it was true. "He doesn't deserve to have you hate him, Iru-koi." 

Iruka stared at him a moment, surprise lighting his eyes. But, when the chunin yawned, sleep clouded them once again, and the man rolled back over, without saying a word, and fell asleep. 

Kakashi laid there beside him, his fingers dipping beneath the chunin's waistband to brush the red mark again. He forced the tears and hurt away, he refused to let them fall. Iruka wasn't his.


	10. Chapter 10

"Why do you keep calling me that?" Iruka asked from behind him, still sliding the soapy rag over Kakashi's shoulders. 

"Call you what?" He asked the question, even though he knew perfectly well what the chunin was referring to. Sometimes Iruka backed off when pushed, this didn't seem like a bad time for that, in the jounin's opinion. Of course, on the other hand, if Iruka pursued the question and clairified, then it meant that he was starting to get passed some of his anxiety. It might also give Kakashi more insight on how Iruka felt. A pang of guilt in his chest told the copy-nin he was more curious about the latter than the former.

It was a while before Iruka spoke, and it was hesitent, like he was having to force the question out. 'So, not over the anxiety,' Kakashi mused. 

"You keep calling me Iru-koi, or am I mistaken?" The tone giving away that Iruka knew very well he hadn't misheard. 

"Maa, it was the first thing I could think of that I didn't think anyone else would have used." Anyone meaning Ibiki, Naruto, or Mizuki, of course. "That and Iru'ka', Iru'koi'..." He grinned, turning to look at Iruka's face. The chunin looked like his head hurt. "You know... Iruka, dolphin, koi, fish," He winked, still grinning. [3.] 

Iruka's response was to shove Kakashi under the water. "That is, the /worst/ joke ever!" He said as Kakashi broke the surface, already laughing. "Seriously, I think there is something wrong with you," the brunette laughed. "Icha Icha is rotting your brain." 

"Hmph! I thought it was clever," he said, mock pouting. 

The chunin swiped a hand at him, sending the water spraying at the jounin. "I'm sure it took you all of five seconds to come up with it." 

Kakashi made a quick hand sign, and a wall of water came up to block the splash. "Well, I figured Iruka was too boring, Iru-kun seemed a little too obvious, and I thought you'd kill me if started calling you Iru-chan, as cute as it sounds."

"Hai, it's far too girlie." The chunin shook his head and made a hand sign of his own, shattering the water wall and spraying Kakashi in the process. "I think I would have to kill you if you tried using that one." 

"I mean, if you really hate Iru-koi, that was my second choice..." Kakashi smirked. "It really is quite cute. Kind of suits you when you're blushing..." 

"Don't you dare start calling me that." The chunin took another swipe at the water; this time Kakashi simply dodged. 

"Aw, Iru-'chan'..." the copy-nin teased. 

Iruka lunged at him, but instead of the silver-haired brat he'd been aiming to strangle, he found his hands wrapped around a towel. "Get over here so I can strangle you!" 

"And ruin all the fun, Iru-'chan'?" Kakashi whispered from right behind him.   
Iruka swung around, crashing into Kakashi shoving him under the water. Two pale hands grabbed the chunin's waist and pulled him beneath the water as well. Their bodies slid against one another, and the brunette found himself spluttering as the older nin pulled him to the surface again, chuckling.   
"I don't know. I think you like the nickname more than you want to admit," he teased.

The chunin's face flushed, and he shoved Kakashi back. "Gomen, Kakashi-sensei. I... I... excuse me!" The words out of his mouth, Iruka turned and fled barely taking a moment to wrap a towel around his waist before darting inside. 

The jounin sat there staring after him, slightly confused as he considered exactly how badly he'd screwed up, and what to do about the situation. Iruka's physical response to the teasing hadn't been apparent, do the steam and dim lighting, until he'd pulled the chunin against him. It hadn't been intentional but it seemed to Kakashi that Iruka still wasn't completely at ease with him. The thought hurt a little but he pushed it aside.

Finally, he climbed out of the hot springs and drapped a towel around himself before heading inside to find Iruka. He was hoping the chunin would still be in the bath house changing, but he wasn't exactly surprised to find the room empty.

He dried off and slipped into the gi he usually wore to bed before slipping out the door to find the chunin. 

-

Surprisingly, it took him almost five minutes to locate Iruka. The brunette was perched on the roof, looking out into the forest, his chakra tucked carefully around him.

"Iruka?" Kakashi frowned when Iruka's chakra didn't even flutter. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have teased you. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings." He realized as the words left his lips that it was the first time he'd appologized to anyone who could actually hear him. The last time he'd uttered the words had been when he'd carried Naruto home unconsious after his battle with Sasuke. 

"Go away, Kakashi. I'd really rather be alone right now," the chunin said without so much as sparing the copy-nin a glance. 

"It's a good thing. I mean uhm.. you..." The logical explaination was that Iruka was responding to somebody, him, without the reaction having to be coaxed from him. Somehow, the words seemed a lot harder, actually, when Iruka had just told him to get lost. "Remember what I said before about how sometimes we just react. It's good that you are." 

"Says you." He could practically hear Iruka rolling his eyes. 

"I'm just trying to help." He took a step towards the chunin. 

"Yeah, well, stop. Because I'm really not in the mood for one of your explainations at the moment. I can figure /this one/ out on my own." Iruka turned to glare at him briefly before turning his back on him again

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to talk down to you." Kakashi wondered if he really should leave.

Iruka sighed. "I know, and usually it really is helpful. It's just not right now, okay?" 

Kakashi nodded, even though Iruka wouldn't see it. "Hai. I'll go. If you need me... I'll be inside." He moved to leave.

"You could stay... if you want." The jounin barely caught the softly spoken words and turned to look at the chunin, unsure if he'd heard them at all. 

"Would it bother you if I did?" Iruka didn't say anything, merely shook his head.   
Kakashi hesitated but then decided he'd probably just end up pacing downstairs and headed over. The brunette didn't turn to look at him, even as he walked over and sat down beside him. 

They sat there, the silence stretching between them for what was probably hours. Kakashi was used to the quiet, and so he waited patiently for the other to break it. 

"I'm sorry," Iruka said, sliding over and leaning his head against the copy-nin's shoulder. "I didn't mean to snap at you." 

"It's fine." He laid his head against the top of Iruka's, finally relaxing. 

"I think it's time to go home. I'm ready." The words were soft, sleepy even, but confident. 

Kakashi wanted to argue, but he knew he'd be lying to himself only to delay the inevitable. "Alright."


	11. Chapter 11

Iruka stopped as soon as they came within eyesight of the gates. "Kakashi..." 

The copy-nin turned to look, and catching sight of the nervousness in the other man's eyes, he lept back to where the chunin stood. "Are you alright? If you're not ready, we can go back." 

"No, I'm okay. It's just..." Iruka swallowed hard, still looking like he might throw up any second. "Don't go too far okay." 

"I won't. You'll be fine, though." He smiled reassuringly, even though it wouldn't be visible with his mask back up. 

"Does everyone know?" Iruka wasn't really looking at him, instead the chunin was staring off towards the gates. 

"Tsunade and Ibiki aren't likely to have told anyone. Naruto has been informed by the both of them that the story is that you're on vacation. As far as anyone knows, I've been on missions. I had Yamato henge into me to hand in a few reports, so it's unlikely anyone will realize it's anything other than the absolute truth." He laid a hand on Iruka's shoulder, and the chunin looked at him. "There may be a few ANBU, or ex-ANBU, who have figured it out, but you don't have to worry. They won't say anything."

Iruka relaxed and as they arrived at the gates. Kakashi chatted aimlessly about various things that had been going on in the village while Iruka was away. The information had, of course, come from Yamato.

"Iruka-sensei!" Naruto yelled as he wrapped his arms around the surprised chunin. 

Kakashi noticed the slight hesitation before Iruka smiled and ruffled the teen's blond hair. He was sure most would chalk it up to surprise unless they knew otherwise. 

"Calm down, Naruto. I haven't been gone that long. After I drop my things off, we can go have ramen if you like. But, only if you let me go so I can breathe," Iruka laughed gently, pushing the blond away and taking a step closer to Kakashi. "Would you like to join us, Kakashi-sensei? I mean, you just got back from a mission, so you're probably starving."

"I'd like that." He smiled, relieved that Iruka seemed to be adjusting quickly. "I'll walk with you since we don't live far from one another, and you can tell Naruto and I more about your vacation." 

"You live near me?" Iruka seemed surprised when Kakashi nodded. He only lived a block away, a convience he, himself, hadn't realized until just now.   
They were almost there when Naruto suddenly decided he should go find Sakura and see if she wanted to join them. Iruka suggested that Sai might want to come, and Naruto agreed to look for him as well. The blond darted off, saying he'd see them at Ichiraku's. [4.] 

The moment Kakashi shut the door to Iruka's apartment, dropping his pack beside it, he found his arms full again. The chunin buried his face against Kakashi's chest. He wrapped his arms around the younger man's shoulders. At first, he thought that Iruka was crying, but then he realized the other man was merely shaking.

"It's okay, Iru-koi." He rubbed the knotted shoulders with one hand, holding Iruka close with the other. 

"Tell me this gets easier," the brunette asked, finally relaxing. 

"It will and you'll be fine, trust me." He leaned back against the door, worried he'd fall over himself. "I'm here if you need me." 

"Promise?" Iruka asked, still not moving away, as though he was afraid Kakashi would disappear if he let him go. 

"Promise. 

\- 

Ibiki had been surprisingly absent the first week, and Kakashi was beginning to wonder if the man would ever show up. Or, if he'd have to push Iruka into going to find him. Then, while he and Iruka were chatting at the gate, as they waited for Yamato and the kids to return from a short mission, Ibiki showed up. 

"He's here," Kakashi said, leaning over to whisper in the chunin's ear so that Izumo and Kotetsu, who were on gate duty, wouldn't overhear. Iruka frowned and looked up at him. "You should go talk to him." The frown deepened. 

"I don't want to." The statement was calm, but the copy-nin didn't miss the way Iruka's eyes darted to where Ibiki stood watching them. 

"You'll be fine, Iru-koi." He kept the words quiet, aware they had an audience. The back of his neck prickled, although he wasn't sure if it was because Ibiki was glaring at him, or because of the way Kotetsu and Izumo were trying to 'subtlely' watch. Not that they'd be able to hear the conversation at this distance, but still. 

"Fine," Iruka sighed. "Just..." A light blush lit the scared cheeks. "Promise you won't get lost." 

"I promise." Then, he slipped back into the conversational tone they'd been using previous to Ibiki's arrival. "I'll let Naruto and Sakura know you had something to take care of, and that you'll see them later." 

"Thank you, Kakashi-sensei. I'll see you later." As Iruka turned to walk away, his hand brushed Kakashi's lightly. The copy-nin smiled at the subtle, yet glaringly obvious, excuse for contact. 

-

It had been well over two hours since Iruka had left to talk with Ibiki, and nearly an hour since he'd made his excuses to his team. Kakashi paced back and forth in his apartment, trying to ignore the way his insides were twisted into a thousand knots. He wasn't even sure if Iruka would come over before he went to meet the kids. He just known there was no way he'd be able to keep from fidgetting, so he'd left. 

Kakashi about jumped out of his skin when he heard the first knock on his door, and he was across the room before the third landed. He took a deep breath and then pulled the door open. 

"Iruka-sensei," he smiled, forcing the words to sound calmer than he felt. 

"Come in." The chunin stepped in and headed to the couch without a word. Kakashi shut the door and pulled down his mask before joining the brunette on the couch. 

Iruka sighed, shaking his head, and the jounin wondered if that was a sign things hadn't gone well. "I'm so glad that's over." The words didn't really clear up Kakashi's anxiety. 

"How did it go?" He watched for some clue that would hint at what he wanted to know.   
Iruka looked exhausted but otherwise gave nothing away with his expression. 

"We had lunch, which didn't really go so well since neither of us spoke more than a dozen words the entire time. Then, we went to his apartment and had tea." 

The knot in Kakashi's chest tightened. "Hai." He waited for Iruka to continue. 

"That went a little better. I appologized, he appologized, and it was generally very awkward." The copy-nin slammed down on the urge to ask if they'd gotten back together, partly because he wasn't sure he wanted to know. 

Finally, Iruka continued, "And then, I told him I'd like to stay friends but that..." The chunin ran a hand over his hair, still not really looking at him. "That I was in love with someone else." Iruka finally turned to look at him, and Kakashi stared back unable to actually form a coherent thought. "He said he already knew. He could tell by the way I looked at you." 

Kakashi opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. He'd spent so much time preparing himself for Iruka to say he was still in love with Ibiki, or for the chunin to fall apart when the relationship officially ended, that he wasn't sure what to say, so he sat there slack jawed and blinking.

"I understand." Iruka said after a moment, looking away. "Can we still be friends, Kakashi?" 

He finally managed to pull his thoughts together when the chunin looked away, and scooted next to Iruka, drawing the man's attention again. Iruka opened his mouth to say something, but, before the words could leave his mouth, Kakashi leaned forward and pressed his lips to the chunin's. His eyes closed, and he slid a hand behind Iruka's head, deepening the kiss for a moment before breaking it. Kakashi rested his forehead against Iruka's and smiled. "I love you, too, Iru-koi."

A smile spread across the brunette's face before Iruka planted another quick kiss on his lips. "Good." 

The knots in Kakashi's stomach disappeared to be replaced by an entire flock of butterflies, and he decided he liked them a lot better. He pulled the chunin onto his lap and kissed him again, relishing the taste of Iruka's lips.

Pulling away slightly, Iruka swatted his leg and scowled at him. "That's for leaving me sitting there thinking you didn't feel the same for a good five minutes." 

"You're much cuter as a sadist than a masochist you know," he teased. "It suits you." 

Iruka blushed, averting his eyes slightly. "You deserved it. You could have at least given me some kind of clue that you liked me, you know." The chunin's voice fell slightly. "All those times we... you didn't even..." Iruka looked at him again, the hurt evident in his eyes. "You never responded to any of it. I thought you didn't..." The younger man swallowed audibly but didn't look away this time. "I thought you didn't want me."

"Oh, koi, I'm sorry I hurt you. I didn't mean to." He brushed Iruka's cheek with the back of his hand. "I just... all that was about focusing on you, and I didn't want my own desires confusing that. I wanted to give you a chance to figure out what you wanted, without having to worry about what anyone else wanted, myself included."

Understanding lit the chunin's eyes, and the man leaned forward and kissed him lightly. "Don't ever do that again," Iruka murmured a hairs breadth from his lips before kissing him again. "I want to know what you like, what you want," he said, pulling away again. "I love you, so what you want is just as important as what I want." A smile spread across Iruka's face. "You should know that; after all, you're the one who taught me that. So... promise?"

"I promise," Kakashi said as he pulled Iruka's lips against his again, deciding he'd never get enough of Iruka's kisses.


End file.
